When I was a little girl, I loved to play dress up. My mom had a closet full of high heels and a jewelry box full of beaded necklaces and dangling earrings. It was a treasure trove for a little girl. I would get a pair of my mom’s heels on, grab one of my mom’s colorful scarves and tuck it into my slacks to make it look like I had on a flowing skirt. Then I shuffled in heels over to the jewelry box and found matching beads and earrings. I stood on my parents’ bed so I could see myself in their mirror. Then I got down and pretended that I was a model and walked around the bedroom or sang and danced.
Every now and then, I think about how big those shoes were on me. Sometimes I would put tissues in the toes or heels to keep them from flopping so much. It was hard to fill my mother’s shoes. Now that I am older and can wear any pair of shoes I like; I still want to be able to fit into my mother’s shoes.
She’s been gone for over twenty years. She was not perfect, but she tried hard to be a good role model for her children. She loved unconditionally, and believed that family was important, especially immediate family. She told my brother, sister, and I that we needed to be friends because one day we were going to be all each other had once she and my dad were gone.
Faith for her was lived from the soul then outward in her actions. She loved and did for others because she believed that you did unto others what you wanted done to you. She used her talents for her own pleasure and for others enjoyment. My mom and dad traveled to see the world and made memories.
She knew the line between friend and mother and was what was needed at the proper time. Her belief was marriage is forever, and nobody is perfect. Forgive, because holding on to stuff only makes you miserable. Most importantly, love deeply all those you hold dear for they are life’s greatest treasure.
I look at my mother’s shoes now and wonder if I have yet filled them. After all, they are big shoes to fill. I feel blessed she left me those pair of shoes. Those shoes unite me with her memory, keep me connected to my family, and give me something to keep working toward. I want to make sure the pair of shoes I leave for my children are just as desirable as my mother’s shoes were for me.
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Proverbs 31:10
I miss you Mom.